Halloween In November

So I'm lame.
I had pics and everything that I wanted to share at Halloween, because its one of my favorite times! Ghosties and goblins! Tricks and treats (well mostly I just like the treats! :D)
So here's a few pics that I found that totally put me in the Halloween mood...even in November!

Eleven more months until next Halloween...hopefully I won't be lame about blogging about it next time. Heehee....


Pictures from www.weheartit.com

Malaga Wine by OPI

By far my favorite color nail polish. I wish I was better at describing things like this...so I'm just going to let the picture speak for itself. It's just the perfect shade, not too bright or too faded. :D


It goes on like a dream! OPI has by far got to be one of my favorites, though Essie is almost neck in neck on my list!

These are NOT my nails...I can never quite get it on that neatly..lol


Picture from www.weheartit.com

....blue.......for you....

One of those moments crept up on me tonight. The one's when I really have to remember and feel the pain that you aren't here anymore. My good friend. To see your name there...right along side of mine...as if nothing had changed at all. Those people don't know you're gone. How can they not know you're gone when it has left such an obvious empty space? When there is one less ray of sunshine in the world?

Most days its okay. It doesn't seem as if it's as painful as it once was. Then comes the moment it sinks in. You aren't coming back. There isn't going to be a time when this isn't true. You. Aren't. Here. Anymore. Breathing seems impossible because it feels like I've been kicked in the gut. I just want to bring you back to life. Turn back time and tell you not to go, to warn you....

I want to hear your voice, your laughter, and I want to see my dear friends face. Not just ONE more time...but ALL the time.

It hurts that I can't change this.


Pictures from www.weheartit.com

I want one of these....

That looks like this on the inside....

Pictures from www.weheartit.com

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
----Christian D. Larson

Photos from www.weheartit.com

I. KNEW. IT.

Sometimes its just so hard to let it go. I've been confronted with a situation that has slowly developed over the last year involving someone that is an extended family member. I look back at it and try to see if I could have approached it differently, but in all honesty I can't see how I could have. I guess I need to start by saying that this person is very strong willed. Very competitive and self centered. In calling this person self centered, I am not trying to be a name caller by any means. I am using the term descriptively, and though the entire situation makes me angry, I am not using the term in an angry manner. This is a person who has a different sense of humor. You know, the kind of person who has to "pick on you," "give you a hard time," and be sarcastic. That being said, I confronted this person about a few situations that had made me uncomfortable and that also just plain frustrated me...and yes, even hurt me. I knew this would happen. I knew what her reaction would be. I just knew it. It has happened before and in the past I have just let it go to keep the peace. But I had to do it. It was getting to the point where I could not deal being around this person who I felt was constantly belittling me and hiding behind "I'm just joking with you." And in all fairness I really do think she is just joking, but its hard to be around someone who is constantly finding something wrong with everything you say, joking or not.
She has always been this way, as long as I can remember. And like I said, as i was confronting her this last time, I just knew there was going to be an argument. This is someone who argues with you even when you are agreeing with her, just using different words. This time though, I was determined I was not backing down, I was going to stick to my guns. I was not going to back down and let her "win" (if there ever is a winner in these situations) and just let her treat me any way she wants. All of this stuff was just building up inside of me, and I knew if I didn't talk it out with her, it would come to the point where I just wouldn't bother going around her anymore. I truly wanted to avoid that.
As angry as I was, i feel like i approached her in a calm manner. I explained what was going on and why I felt the way I did. And while I was at it, I also told her I felt she was angry with me about something as well (which she said she wasn't then two second's later said she was...and told me exactly why...confusing...)and I wanted to give her the opportunity to tell me why so we could work it out. I plain flat out said, I know that I'm not perfect, I know there is something you want to say to me, I know I don't always say the right things..and that I wanted her to talk to me so we could work it out.
Again, let me say, I just knew it. I. KNEW. IT. You know, if someone had approached me with the concerns that I brought to her, I would have simply said..."Insertnamehere, I didn't know that bothered you, I'm sorry." And that is all she had to say. It would have ended right there. Then she could have brought me her concerns and I would have done the same. It could have just ended. Right there.
I. KNEW. IT.
This happens every time. Counter accusations of how I talk to her, how I do certain things (which if you listen closely to her counter accusations you would find it would take me being able to psychically read her mind to figure out I was even doing these things) too and bringing things up that I have already apologized for and would take me bending time and space to go back and change. She counter accused me of bringing things up that have nothing to do with her (which, is not true, everything I brought up were based on things that she said to me over time). As even she said, we were just talking in circles. Me trying to get her to understand where I was coming from and her deflecting any kind of responsibility for how she has treated me. Her arguing with me that I wasn't perfect either, which I hadn't denied and had even said myself (again with the arguing even when you are agreeing with her and trying to give her the opportunity to have her say). I'm tired. I'm tired of her always doing this to me.
I am not unreasonable, if she has issues with me I am more than willing to let her have her say, and apologize when needed. People who KNOW me...know this. I don't like hurting people, I don't belittle people, I don't intentionally try to do things that might hurt someone physically or mentally. I'm tired of her snapping at people all the time, holding things in and expecting them to know how she is feeling, complaining about every little thing, and then not letting people have their say. I'm not the only person she does this to. People just generally don't argue because she has to win. She won't let it go until you give up, and she is "right" as usual. A simple I'm sorry could have ended this. Her 'go to' solution is "we have to agree to disagree." This can work sometimes I guess, but...how do you say "Well, we have to agree to disagree that I hurt you." "I don't agree that I hurt you." How can you argue someone else's feelings? I don't get it. I did get a half apology out of her...but what's an apology if you have to dig it out of someone? Then she also turns around and brings someone I have never met into the situation..and saying I don't approve of this person. Wait...what? I can't say I do, but I can't say I don't either. I've never met this person. I have to admit at this point I should have kept my mouth shut...because I then proceeded to remind her all I ever heard were negative things of this person...things that SHE had said. Which included the exact words she used to describe how she felt about him. Which of course she denied (quite vehemently I might add--which of course then made me a liar. Nice.) Even though those exact words were the honest truth...I should have kept it shut on that subject.
I could go on and on about how this all went down....I can even prove a great deal of this. This was dealt with part on the phone part in email. I know what I said to her, its typed out for anyone who would care to see it. I go over and over asking myself if I could be wrong, if I could have used different words....but this is one time I don't think I'm wrong. I feel I was fair. I feel I was honest. I feel I gave her the same opportunity to talk to me. Like I said, anyone who KNOWS me...knows that I hate drama, and conflict is the LAST thing on my mind. It seems though..as usual, that to this person, I have made up a reason to argue with her. That I've memorized everything she has said or done, just to turn it on her and make a scene.
I've been around her all my life and considered her my best friend. Super close. But as I sit here thinking about this, and I think about it often because I hate the way this went, I realize this has happened all of our lives.
In her "joking" she has taken a superior position to me, and I let her. Always, I have backed down to avoid a fight, an argument and "agreed to disagree" even when I knew she was or felt she was wrong. We haven't spoken in a couple months, she is having health problems which she hasn't told me about herself, she hasn't told me anything. In her mind, I am sure that this is me being unreasonable, over sensitive...whatever makes it not her doing. There was a time I would just let it go. There was a time that her personality might have been fun, but we are not 12 years old anymore. We are in our 30's, and despite my determination to remain fun and joyful, there are times we need to be humble and reflect on how our actions affect others.
I know as a Christian, which I shout to the rooftops that I am, I should look the other way. But there is something also to be said about defending myself and the life that God gave me. I look back over those years of how "close" we were and realize that we really weren't. Our friendship was based on my willingness to back down and let her have her way or take the lead. It got to the point where it was just second nature for her to see me as her little side kick, someone to shove into the back seat, and that she was somehow better and stronger. Keeping things from me or dealing with situations on my behalf without me knowing, only to have her tell me about it later and explaining her actions and ending with "I did it because, well, you know how you are..."
She see's my sensitivity as weakness. Maybe she should have stopped to think..I wasn't over sensitive or weak. Maybe she was just treating me like crap. We are totally different people...yes, I am sensitive. I take things to heart and sometimes I even cry. Its part of life. But this sensitivity also allows me to see things from other people's point of view. How people relate with each other. With this person, its all about how people treat HER, how people relate to HER, how other people's actions affect HER...even when it has nothing to do with HER. I've heard people give her a compliment and then her respond by complaining and arguing it.
This time I am not giving in to her. Regardless of what is going on in her life, and I know this sounds really harsh, and maybe I AM wrong...but I don't believe in giving people a free pass to act any way they want because they are having difficulties. Everyone has difficulties in their lives and but not everyone treats people like that. Knowing my family history, I could come down with cancer, diabetes, or lupus tomorrow. I know very well I could come down with all three at one time...I've seen it happen! But this would not give me license to turn around and expect people to bow to me. I don't expect that kind of freebie, I'm not giving it to someone else. It takes a lot for me to say this, because I am generally the kind of person who wants things to be good and happy. It takes a lot for me to turn away from someone especially when they are having a hard time.
However, I did not create this situation. It is not my responsibility to go out of my way to fix this. This all started when I tried to fix things and make things right between us by giving us BOTH the opportunity to say what we needed to say. What more could I have done? I don't see how I could have done it different. The difference between this time and the last is that I'm unwilling to let her walk all over me. It's not okay to treat me that way.
In my life I just want things to be sweet, happy, and kind. This is obviously something that I am not going to get from this person. I don't feel good about myself around her, it's always been that way, and as long as she refuses to even entertain the idea that she might be wrong in this or any situation, it will remain that way. This is one of those situations where I am going to have to just love this person from a distance. I have to learn to let it go because its not going to change and all it is doing is hurting me.

I'm just going to leave it there for now because its just so frustrating to think about. I'm going to post this email I received a while back that I really loved. Its a great reminder to me.

Letting Go

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.......LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.....LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.... ..LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity..(Literally it is only ONE minute!)

All you have to do is the following, you simply say 'The Lords Prayer':

The Lords Prayer

Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.

Amen.

Next, stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him. 'Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior. He Keeps me going day and night. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can do everything, Christ is my strength.'




pictures from www.weheartit.com

Dear Britney and Christina

...and other. Just FYI, we realize you are not 16 anymore. And judging by the fact that you both have children, we know you have sex. You are adults now and its okay! Really! However, there should be a limit on the amount of songs you are allowed to write concerning your vagina-how often its used and the variety of ways you use it. Seriously.

Britney, I can understand that you have tried to break out of the mold that was created for you before you even learned to ....well, do anything...but I don't want to know what you do with the "Touch of your Hand." I also used to think that your music was kinda iffy but catchy..and you really knew how to dance...I've seen videos lately of your shows...prancing around in high heels you can barely walk in, waving your arms up and down, and splaying your legs wildly over your head (SLIGHT exaggeration there..heh) for the perfect crotch shot is NOT dancing. It wasn't dancing in '85 when Madonna did it, and its not dancing now.

Dancing??

She used to wear such cute outfits! Now she's bedazzled her undies and jumped onstage! :(

Christina, oh Christina. I love your voice..and I expect so much more from you.
I lived through your "Dirty" stage...mostly because the empowering songs like "Fighter" and "Singing my Song" were so wonderful. The slow wonderful songs like "Hurt," "You Lost Me," "I Am," and others...have a special place in my heart. I'm confused though with your latest choices "Bobble Head," "Elastic Love," and "Woohoo." A person of your talent just shouldn't stoop to that level. Really. Love you, but again, especially with songs like "WooHoo," and "Sex for Breakfast"....TMI. Thanks but no thanks. You have an unbelievable talent..you could grow moles all over your face and stand on stage in a potato sack and I'd still love your voice. There's no need to put a blinky red heart over your wahoo to communicate that you're "Not Your(my)self Tonight," I would have understood that point by listening to the lyrics. Really, its okay to put some clothes on.

The offending blinky heart outfit....lol Her thong underwear and chaps phase (Dirrrrty) didn't bug me! This did! lol

There are others I could include in this lovely post, but alas, I don't have that much time on my hands. I'm all for women empowering themselves and being confident and comfortable with their bodies....I'm not a prude. There is a difference between showing some skin for the sake of art..and showing skin just to be naked. You don't have to be nude to be empowering. Trust me on this.

Examples of outfits that make sense;

Love it!

Classy!

Ladies, you are better than this. You've got talent, you've got brains. Use them. And yes I know I don't really know Britney OR Christina..lol. It's just..seriously, whatever happened to having a little class? Its all you hear about in music anymore...like, I seriously don't care how many people you have slept with (I'm directing this to more of the "Birthday Sex," "Bed Rock," and "Put You to Bed" type of entertainers). I'm sad that I even know those songs. *sniff* *tear* I don't care how many "dollahs" or "Benjamin's" you have. I'm done hearing of your 'shoppin' spree's' and what you 'got up in your grillz.' Okay, I'm treading on over to the male singer territory, and I'm just going to end here..because I could go on for days.
All I ask for is music.
*smiles and mentally plays Christina's cover of "At Last" in my head* Awesome.
Thanks for listening, I've been holding onto this for weeks. I feel better now. lol
The End.

Pictures found using www.google.com

Christina Aguilera - You Lost Me

Just a Little Something On My Mind

My mind has been on my cousin these last few days. A few years ago, March 14, 2007, my cousin was shot out on the street and was killed. He was in his late 20's. What were the events that led up to that? What was that about? You know, people can say what they want..maybe he was running with the wrong people. I didn't know my cousin that well in the "later years" before he died. That part of the family lives in California. So, its not like we were really in touch. I remember though, when we got to see each other when we were little. I remember that cute little face. I remember his chubby little hands holding a child size Sunny Delight Orange Juice...and most of all chasing our other cousin around the house yelling at him in spanish that he was going to pull out all his hair! I can hear it in spanish in my head, but I don't know how to spell it. lol I don't know what he was to other people at the time of his death. I don't know what he was up to or anything that he might have done. I just know that I remember that sweet face and my heart hurts. It hurts me that he is not here anymore on this earth. Yes, I know about God and Heaven, and I know exactly where he is. It is just so unbelievable that one of us cousins is gone. And in such a cold and cruel way. Like I said, I didn't know him towards the end there, but my memories of him will stay sweet. I'll always remember that little trouble making sparkle in his eye....too cute for words baby cousin. If you can hear me right now...I love you.

picture from www.weheartit.com

Cryin for Me

Wow. Talk about those moments that take your breath away. Earlier today, I was watching Ghost Whisperer...and yes, this is cheesy, but its going somewhere. It was the episode where her best friend dies. She goes on describing their friendship and it sounds so much like me and Josie. She always had my back. She always believed in me. She never doubted anything I said or tried to do. She encouraged me in everything. And this is a time right now I could really use her encouragement. I doubting what I'm doing as far as school and everything I've had to give up. All the things that have kind of crumbled out from under me so I can go back and learn something exciting and new. I'm not feeling like the Melinda everybody knows..and hopefully loves. ;0)
So, I'm sitting here looking over a chapter for a test and just feeling overwhelmed and I decided to check my email in case my group canceled for our project in the morning. There is an email from someone who's name is very similar to her's (only one letter's difference) sitting in my inbox. At first glance it did look like it said Josie...and believe it or not, this song comes on my itunes at that exact second that always makes me think of her. Its called "Crying for Me" by Tobie Keith.
Is my cheer leader trying to tell me to hang in there?
I don't know...but I'm feeling her more than ever right now....
Sometimes its like, just when I think I'm ok...something happens to remind me of her and it blows me away.
Its amazing how much you can love someone. Josie was such a good friend to me. I miss her so much. :0(

I still suck I guess.

So its been a ridiculously long time since I've blogged, and I have actually really wanted to! However, both my computers are down right now. I'm prepared to throw a bomb at my laptop and my desktop is out getting repaired. So, I've been limited in what I can do online for now. I'm at the computer lab at school right now. BOoo! I want my computer back!
So, just wanted to let you know, if you are reading this, that I do plan on continuing this, and will try in the future to be a lot better at it. haha.
Love you guys!

How Strange it is..

...to be anything at all!

How strange it is that we all have two legs, two arms, hands fingers...yet we all look nothing alike.
How strange it is that we all love but we don't all always love each other.

How strange it is that we all sing and dance but we don't all sing or dance with each other.

How strange it is we all have lips and power of speech,but we don't always speak to each other.

How strange it is we all have two ears, but we don't always listen.